Do you find it difficult to say no to people?
As a result of this do you end of spreading yourself too thin to please people, by saying yes to anything and all that is asked of you?
In this post I’m going to give you 3 tips on the art of saying no.
As an empath woman this is something that I struggled with over the years and it’s something that I chose to teach myself through different processes, making incremental changes along the way to get different results.
If you were raised in a dysfunctional home where there was a lot of turbulence in your household, then you will have learnt to pick up on energies in your environment, to determine very quickly whether it is a safe environment or disruptive and unsafe.
This leads to children who experienced these environments becoming empaths later on in life. Empaths tend to want to please people around them, in order to keep the peace. Not upset the apple cart, in an attempt to keep their environment as harmonious as they can.
As a result of this they will tend to knock themselves out later in life, trying to help everyone around them and say yes to everything that’s asked of them through guilt of causing others to feel upset, let down, angry, disappointed….…….the list goes on.
They’ll end up saying yes, yes, yes, despite their own needs. Pushing their own needs aside to accommodate many around them. Causing them to feel unsupported, burnt out and at times resentful and frustrated.
So let’s jump into the tips that helped me on my journey in the art of saying no to avoid you giving too much of yourself and leaving nothing left for you.
Tip 1 – GIVE YOURSELF SPACE
Give yourself some space and time to decide if you:
- want to do what is being asked of you
- have the time to fit it into your own schedule
By using one of these simple sentences, “I will let you know”, “I’ll get back to you”.
If somebody asks you to do something for them, then use this simple tool to allow yourself the time to figure out if you do want to do it, if you don’t, or if you’ve the time to fit it into your life.
If the answer is yes you do want to do it and yes you have time, work out when you have the time so that you can give them a window of when you can do it.
This simple little tool gave me some space to be able to decide “do I want to do this?” If I do want to do this then, “okay when can I fit that in?”
I would then give them the option of “yes I can do that on this date, at this time”.
If they would then push for a different day and time that I knew would leave me rushing around, I would say, “unfortunately the only time I can do it is on this date”.
Sounds simple, right? Well just by saying “I’ll get back to you” helps you to create space and time for you to consider it properly.
Tip 2 – CONSIDER HOW YOU WOULD FEEL
The second thing that I chose to consider was if somebody said no to me, if I asked somebody something and they said “I’m really sorry Michelle, I can’t do that”, how would I feel about it?
Would I be acceptant of their response?
Would I think, that’s really out of order?
No of course I wouldn’t! I would understand that they have a lot on or it’s not for them and be absolutely fine with it. So I had to reprogram my own mind to think, they will be the same.
To understand that it’s okay to say no! If it’s said in a loving way, it’s not a bad thing.
If we’re constantly giving and giving and giving to everyone around us, especially if we’re the type of person that tends to be of a healing energy, then people will be drawn to you that are broken birds with broken wings, wanting you to help as they are drawn to that energy.
Yes it is a beautiful thing to be able to help others but you also have to know when to retreat a little to replenish yourself because otherwise you’ll end up burnt out.
Tip 3 – CONSIDER THE ENERGY YOU BROADCAST
The third and most important thing that I chose to consider was, if I was constantly giving my time and energy to people and in the back of my mind I was struggling to fit it in due to other commitments in my own schedule and my feet were peddling fast beneath the surface of the water to stay afloat, then what energy was I turning up to those situations with?
One of care and love, or one of resentment and frustration?
Remember that we are projecting energy all the time from our emotions, thoughts and in particular our feelings (whether hidden or not).
We may be coming to a situation of helping somebody with the smile on our face on the external however internally we may be feeling frustrated about it and those feelings are vibrating at a lower vibration.
So although you’re actually trying to help, you’re actually entering that situation with a vibration of maybe resentment and that’s the complete opposite of actually what you really want to be projecting.
So to conclude:
Saying no is not a bad thing, it’s okay to say no and if it’s too difficult to say no at first then incrementally build it up by different practices.
Number one give yourself the time, “I will let you know or ‘I’ll get back to you”, that’s okay to say. In that time you can actually then sit there and think about whether you want to do it, whether you’ve got time to do it and then give them a window of when you can do it if you choose to do it.